we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
