I just cut my nipple shaving
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
