I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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