When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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