I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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