He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Still dying that you shit outside
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize