someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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