oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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