I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
