omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
