I'd wear matching sweaters with you
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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