she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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