So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
