Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I understand Curling. That high.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
