Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize