Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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