i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
