what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize