i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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