i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
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