I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
