I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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