I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
