i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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