He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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