i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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