I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
