I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
