There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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