The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
