Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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