Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
