You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
