i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
