thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
