were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
