when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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