That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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