By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
