WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
