I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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