I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
