Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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