Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
