she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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