I hope mine doesn't look like that
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
where are you?
Hypothermia
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
