i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
