Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
