I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
the liver wants what the liver wants
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
