So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Panties = found
Randomize