sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
