I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
