i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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