My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
