Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
What a dumb baby whore.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
