Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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