i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
They have beer where we have blood.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
