found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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