exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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