hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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