So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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