She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
