I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
