I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
