I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize