just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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