mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
