I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize