he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
