How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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