He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
