Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
No subtext here. People are naked.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
