I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
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