I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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