I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Randomize
