Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
