I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize