it wasn't lemon gatorade
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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