I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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