Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Four minutes until I can fart!
nutella sex= disaster
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize