I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
