After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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