Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize