my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
