So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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