Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
