Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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