how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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