I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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