Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize